The Difficulty of Loving a Man with Little Means

Struggle love is not loyalty; it is self-sacrifice disguised as partnership.

This is not about judgment but from experience—tough, painful, eye-opening experience. I’ve been there and survived, so before you roll your eyes and assume this is all about money, let me say this: it is not just about money. It is about a mindset—a mindset of having lack, of being resentful, of blaming others; a mindset that generally accompanies people who’ve stopped trying to do better.

And yes, this applies to both parties. Poor women can be just as damaging, toxic, manipulative, and exhausting. However, I will compose my writing today from the perspective of a woman, as that is the lens through which I have experienced life. Here is why dating a poor man can ruin not just your peace of mind but also destroy your sense of worth and value.

1. He is Not Going to Bring to Your Life, Only Take from It

A person in poverty cannot build with you because they are focused on survival. When someone, man or woman, is constantly conscious of lack—lack of money, lack of opportunity, lack of direction—there isn’t any space to nurture love or stability. He won't plan meaningful dates and cannot afford small things that may bring joy, and eventually, his inability leads to some level of frustration. You will find yourself expending all aspects of your life—emotionally, financially, and spiritually—until you realize he never came to build but only to borrow your light.

2. He’ll Weaponize His Struggles

He’ll guilt-trip you when you attempt to help him. He’ll shame you if you are successful or make any strides. In my experience, poor men often have frail egos, and if your ambition never inspires them, they will definitely resent it. Eventually, you’ll start to shrink yourself or at least stop speaking of your own aspirations and celebrate your wins quietly, because every time you shine, he feels smaller. You weren’t put on this earth to dim your light for someone else who refuses to find theirs.

3. Poverty Isn’t Just Financial, It’s Mental

Let’s face it, some people are financially poor but rich in spirit, drive, and vision. They are not the problem. The problem is the man who accepts his struggle as his identity and blames the world for every reason he cannot move forward. He wastes time complaining for hours about his battle, but won’t spend a minute taking responsibility for it. That’s mental poverty, and mental poverty is worse than having an empty bank account because it gets into your mindset and infects it, too. Before you know it, you are doubting your own dreams because you have been surrounded by someone who doesn’t believe in growth.

4. Emotional Abuse Becomes the Currency

You may not realize it at first, but a poor person will slowly erode your self-esteem and confidence. It will start with the pressure of what he wants from you, and when he can’t align with your expectations in any area of your life, he will start telling you that you shouldn’t have had those expectations to begin with. He will refer to you as "bougie," "selfish," or "too good," but it's simply him projecting his own insecurity. What he really means is, "You deserve much more than I can give you, and I resent you for recognizing that." Emotional abuse stemming from someone feeling inferior is still emotional abuse, and it's dangerous because it can mask itself as love.

5. It's Time to Address Financial Abuse

The hard truth is that if a man has nothing, you will become his safety net. You'll start lending him money that you will never get back. You'll begin to pay bills because "he's trying." You'll start justifying his lack of effort because "he has potential." And before you know it, he's draining you, and it's not out of malice, but dependence. And dependence breeds resentment. As soon as you stop, he will shame you into feeling bad for being picky or not grateful. Just remember, he was never building with you; he was using you to stay alive.

6. His Misery Will Cost You Your Peace

Misery loves company, and poor men are often miserable and in emotional turmoil. They will pick fights for no reason. They will call you names, but call it "keeping it real." They tend to bring chaos into your home because they are unfamiliar with peace. If someone is so at ease living a rough life, they don't understand true stability. Your love will not heal anyone unable or unwilling to fix significant trauma. You will only take on his pain until you can't even recall who you were before he entered your life.

7. He Will Guilt Trip You for Shining

Try doing something nice for yourself—such as purchasing a fresh outfit, taking a trip, or celebrating a recent promotion—and pay attention to how quickly your mood changes. He won't be proud of you. He will grow quiet, moody, withdrawn, or even call you "different." What is really happening is that your success highlights what he is not doing. He will want to do the opposite of step up—and pull you down emotionally to keep you both on the same plane. This is not a partnership; this is sabotage.

8. When He Finally "Makes It," You Will Be His Past

This is the most painful. If you decide to stay and "help him build," you are more than likely going to be the one who gets left once he achieves success. Why? Because you observed him in his most vulnerable state. You saw him when he couldn't provide, couldn't lead, and couldn't believe in himself. That is a bruise on a man's ego. So even though he has the type of woman who helped him get there, he is going to seek out validation from someone he didn't have to go through those things with. He is going to want to validate he is "that guy" now—not with you. I know this might sound harsh, but it really is the truth.

9. You and Your Appearance Deserve Stability, Not Struggle Love

There is another dangerous lie out there that says, "Struggle bonds strong relationships." It does not. This creates trauma bonds. Love shouldn’t be created through pain—love should be made through safety, respect, and reciprocity. If you always have to be the therapist, provider, or saver in the relationship, that is not love; that is emotional labor as an alternative to loyalty. Stop glorifying endurance and start demanding peace.

10. Your Energy Is Too Important to Waste on Potential

At the end of the day, potential is not paying bills. Potential does not heal. Potential does not create a future. You cannot invest in a man who is not invested in himself. You deserve a man who can meet you at your level and not continually pull you back down because of his fear of moving forward. Love is not rooted in pity. Love is built on partnership. Regardless of how good your heart is, you cannot save a man who does not want to save himself.

Final Thoughts

This is not about greed or materialism. This is about knowing your worth. A man who does not want to grow (emotionally, financially, and mentally) is not a safe space for the woman who is working to be her best self, or for them to be their best selves, for that matter. It is not a moral failing to be broke or poor; it is a moral failing to stay broke or inadequate when you can elevate yourself from it.

So, if you find yourself constantly being depleted, always being blamed, and always having to forgive a man who shows nothing but chaos, that is your signal to step back. Love should make you bloom; it should not make you bleed.

Protect your peace. Protect your energy. And never again apologize for wanting a life that mirrors the effort you put into yourself.

You are not “too much.” You are just realizing your worth and don’t want to lower your standards for a man who has never had any for himself.