Liberating Yourself from Parenting Constraints

From birth until they turn 18, parents make choices regarding how to raise their offspring. We are, in fact, reflections of our parents’ actions, which is the reason we exist. However, kids never asked to be brought into this world—they were here because their parents chose to have them. Imagine if children didn’t have the choice of being born. Why do some parents determine the decisions their children must make even after they reach adulthood?

Entitled parents think that because they pay for their children, they have a right to continue to impose their beliefs, expectations, and values wherever they wish, for as long as they want to. Like other types of toxic parenting, the worst thing about it is that it deprives children of their autonomy and individuality. Every child has a right as a human being to explore their interests, hobbies, and passions while free from the pressure imposed by parental expectations.

Take the example of the parent who demands their child be a doctor “because it is respectable, prestigious, and a way to make a decent wage.” Meanwhile, the child may want to become a teacher. Instead of encouraging the child’s desire to be a teacher, the parent dismisses it to focus on a more lucrative career (but one that may not have the same fulfillment or purpose that the child wants to pursue). Unfortunately, these situations happen more often than we realize, creating resentment, damaged relationships, and building a feeling of inadequacy in children that lasts a lifetime.

Performing this type of act with people may engage us to think about religion in that manner. Let’s suppose a very religious person decides to raise their child in a rigorous religious way. Then, the child grows up and explores other spiritual or formative non-spiritual paths, and they find that they align and identify with either a new faith or a new belief system. How does the parent respond? Do they acknowledge their child’s spirituality and recognize their child is on their path? Or do they remind them they are wrong for wanting to be on another path?

When a parent compels their child to adopt a specified religion solely because they identify with that religion, it infringes on the child’s personal boundaries. It demonstrates a significant disregard for their independence. Spirituality is individual for everybody, and every person has the right to explore and ultimately decide what beliefs they align with without their family coercively obligating their beliefs or feeling shame.

The same goes for a parent or family member who still attempts to dictate when their adult child raises children. Just because you are a grandparent does not give you the privilege or entitlement to tell anyone how to raise a child. The whole art of parenting is not solely up to grandparents; it ultimately relies on the child’s parents. Unsolicited advice, parental criticism, and interference in a child’s parenting practice can diminish their confidence as parents and poison a relationship.

Parents should keep in mind that their role is not to control their children. Instead, they are meant to guide them toward success by encouraging their children to make independent decisions about their career paths and hobbies. Parents must always recognize that children, even grown adults, deserve the same alternatives or freedom surrounding what they want to think or their priorities in life or aspirations. Parenting is never about creating a replica of yourself; it is ultimately about allowing your children to flourish into the best of themselves, even if it looks nothing like what you envisioned.

If control represents the conscious cycle of parents, then self-awareness, which enables them to recognize when their expectations have become outdated and require adjustment, constitutes an integral part of the process. Self-awareness must consciously accept that your son or daughter is an independent human with their own thinking processes and desires, and can also have their own aspirations. Teach, honor, and support your child’s personhood in exploration, even if it differs from what you would accept as a first point of view. Allow your children the space to make mistakes, discover through learning, and grow into who they ultimately want to be, rather than who you believe they should be.

It is critical to involve young kids in the process by providing questions and exposing them to various career/field interest opportunities; education starts from the beginning, and the more information they receive, the more they can feel confident to make appropriate decisions about their life and future. The more information they are given, the more they can identify what makes them feel good, encouraging an awareness and a sense of purpose.

A good environment, especially for a young child, is critical for anyone’s early development. If an individual child is left to their own devices, they may become restless and chaotic, simply because they sense nothing concrete to engage with during this time formally. Inviting and guiding children into constructive activities, hobbies, and learning experiences encourages engagement and the long-term cultivation of critical thinking, self-discipline, and a healthy work ethic. Partaking in positive energy, stimulating their awareness, and promoting good learning experiences will build the foundation of their personal growth.

In the end, we must set aside our egos and recognize that we should not shape a child to reflect our own image. Our aim is to help them discover their identity, define their aspirations, and navigate life independently, without relying on others to fulfill their needs. When parents are truly aware of their children, they can enhance their development and foster a healthier, more respectful, honest, and authentic relationship with them.