Breaking Free from Generational Habits

The notion of unraveling generational traumas involves other people’s unresolved habits and sorrows that we unknowingly carry over to our lives. This lack of awareness about what was perceived as usual or part of being a family is also significant. We often conform and assume behaviors that we noticed from infancy until adolescence, until they become nearly a part of our responses for a lifetime. We absorb these behaviors like sponges developmentally. It’s easy to see how evolution and development create a cycle of thought and reaction, which becomes more entrenched through our experiences in the environments shaped by our initial responses to ourselves and the world around us.

If anger was the only way frustration was dealt with in your household, you may not realize that that is your go-to response when life, or anything, for that matter, is less than convenient for you. Perhaps you come from a family that faced financial difficulties and experienced ongoing stress over money. Now, with a job and transparent finances, you’re still just as anxious about spending the money as you were when you were broke and living in constant financial anxiety. These past associations become conditioned responses we subconsciously repeat, regardless of whether they still hold value or relevance.

First and foremost, it is essential to remember that you can’t just run away from your past. You can walk away from toxic people or situations, but the emotional and psychological aspects usually remain until you focus your mind, time, and energy on unlearning them. Unlearning requires focus, intentional thinking, and behaviors to move you toward the desired shifts. The initial step entails awareness—recognizing the patterns and where they came from.

Ask yourself:

• What habits/beliefs do I have that feel uncomfortable or limiting?

• Are these patterns my own, or have I inherited them from someone else?

• How do these habits affect my relationships, self-respect, and life choices?

Once you see the inherited patterns, it’s time to regain control of your life. The goal isn’t to blame your parents or feel sorry for yourself. You can acknowledge how they shaped you, but you are solely accountable for how you move forward. You can break the cycle!

Another positive realization is that the brain is incredibly pliable. Neuroscientists found that the brain takes about a week to start rewiring/refocusing and forming habits. During these seven days, you can practice mindfulness and self-awareness and actively choose better responses and thought patterns.

To create awareness, here is a simple 7-day guide for step-by-step practice over 7 days to break patterns and recreate better habits.

Day 1: Self-Assessment

Take a notebook and list the negative habits or patterns you have identified. Review your list with honesty.

Day 2: Reflection

Now, reflect on where those patterns originated: Was it from a parent, sibling, or another significant figure in your life? Write down how those behaviors impacted you.

Day 3: Visualization

In your mind, visualize the person you want to be. What do you want to do differently? How do you respond to stress, conflict, or uncertainty?

Day 4: Affirmations

Create positive affirmations that challenge your previous behaviors. For example, if you were working on letting go of anger, you could say, “I am calm, composed, and in control of my emotions.”

Day 5: Commit to New Habits

Practice your new behaviors on purpose. If you respond to stress with anger, take a deep breath, count to ten, and choose a calmer response.

Day 6: Feedback

Think back and reflect on your process. Did you notice any changes? What habits felt easier to shift, and which habits needed more support?

Day 7: Gratitude

Take a moment to appreciate yourself for showing up and doing the work. Reaffirm your commitment to breaking the cycle and being your best self.

Consistency is key. Patterns won’t be formed in a day, and won’t be broken in a day either. Yet, while focusing on and dealing with the past can be difficult, you can reshape your mind and take control of your life to become the person you want to be.

It will not be easy, but rooted in awareness, the effort is worth it. You deserve to live free of someone else’s negativity and step fully into who you are meant to be!